Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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