She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ladies don't puke and tell
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
