How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
