Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
