It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
