Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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