So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
