My sheets look like a crime scene.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
