bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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