like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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