she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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