): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
