If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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