honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
