did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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