Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
