he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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