Cold hands, warm shart.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
