I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
