if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
