She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
