He uses pillows to masturbate.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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