i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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