I think im going to throw up on grandma
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
