my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
