You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
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