what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
