I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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