I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
