Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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