I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she looked like the before picture.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
