not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
