wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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