I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
