I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
