Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
