Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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