imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
