i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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