Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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