just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
