He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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