can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize