I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
