i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
