1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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