I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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