What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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