remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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