Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Boobs speak an international language.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
