I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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