I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
