I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He better not be in your backpack
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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