so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
