if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
