I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
