I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
