Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
