I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
