Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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