And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
