The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
