How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
