No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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