Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
