NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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