Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
