i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
